Forever Valentine

I went from being against Valentines day to looking forward to it every year.

When I was younger I used to denounce Valentine’s day because it was a commercial holiday and berate men who brought it up. It wasn’t until I was going through a particularly low period in my 20s that I realised why.

I can’t recall if it was a youtube video or twitter thread, but I decided to treat and pamper myself on Valentine’s day as an act of self love. By the end of the night I was on the verge of tears and I vowed that moving forward I would always celebrate Valentine’s day whether in a relationship or single. All those years I had been shrinking myself to not be a bother, to not seem demanding or take up space. It didn’t help that I had never felt comfortable with origins of the holiday; the idea of Lupercalia felt primitive and patriarchal - too much like a slave auction/lottery for the benefit of men. The conflicting stories I had read about the days namesake - Saint Valentine - also so felt disingenuous and uninspiring. It triggered the same sceptism as being 7 years old and realising that I wasn’t taking writing a letter to Father Christmas as seriously as some of my peers. I had deemed it an English creative list writing exercise set by our teacher, which I was struggling with until, after a brief conversation in hushed voices it dawned on me: They thought Father Christmas was a real living person with magical powers. Saint Valentine felt like a myth in much the same way. Made up and enjoyed by those with imaginations more vivid than my own.

Also I reasoned that I treated myself and people treated me on other days so what did it matter and I absolutely loathe public grand gestures. But that Valentines day I treated myself to flowers, chocolates, perfume and new jewellery . I ran a bath with my best oils and some rose petals and took the time to massage my head and feet. After spending the whole day pampering myself I realised what I had been missing.

As an annual sufferer of Seasonal Affective Disorder January and February are often the worst months of the year for me. I’m irritable and lethargic and am mor likely to get stuck in negative trains of thought for long periods triggering depressive episodes.

Celebrating myself on Valentines day did wonders for my mood and made me feel more connected to everyone else also celebrating a day dedicated to love. I realised that performative or not the intentional effort - whether thats through a small love token or an elaborate gesture - is a reminder to never take ourselves or the people whom we love for granted. It broke up the bleakness and despair of Winter for me and reminded me that my foundation is built on love and just because Winter is the season of death but that doesn’t mean love has to die. Love transcends seasons, space and time. It is infinite and regenerative. It’s easy to love and be social when the sun is on your face and everyone is already happy and in a good mood.

Love and beauty is all around us, and what is more powerful than expressing it and making someone’s day when it requires a bit of thought and effort.

I have never seen my parents celebrate Valentines day and when I asked they dismissed it with their typical Jamaican brand of Virgoan pragmatism.

I think because I was born in November, I also treat Valentine’s day as an obligatory Self love/Conception anniversary day. When I give astrology readings I always look at the 4th house of the chart (Home and private life) but especially 4th from Sun. The period of time when you were conceived and growing in your Mother’s womb is your foundation for happiness, security and self esteem. It is also when you are at your lowest. Honouring it in some small way feels right, like a sacred act of self preservation.